Who knows?

I feel like writing in English today, you’ll just have to deal with it.

I really, really need inspiration. And selfdiscipline. Most of all selfdiscipline. I should get some new routines in. Like actually keeping this blog. It might not mean much to you readers, but hopefully it’ll help me keep track of things.

I haven’t worked out for months, and it started to show ages ago. I want to get back into it, but I’m just too lazy. There’s not really any good excuse. Maybe one of you readers have some inspiration for me? I hope so. Getting myself back into shape might help sort out my head.

I’ve been struggling alot with anxiety and severe depression lately. Especially anxiety. For the last two weeks I’ve had this stabbing fear in my chest. I’m not 100% sure what exactly scares me, but I think it has alot to do with control. Or the lack of control. I’ve never had so much anxiety as I do now. Everything scares me, and I have trouble leaving my bedroom. School and work has been hard. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself, or maybe not enough. About 12 months ago I told my doctor I wanted to talk to a psychologist. A month ago I got a letter saying that I’ll be contacted within 1-3 months. Fantastic health care system we have. Last week I called my doctors office and wanted an appointment as soon as possible. And I got one. In November. I feel like I’m not getting help at all, and it’s taken me long to be able to ask at all. I don’t really know what I can do anymore. Other than wait, that is. I don’t want to live my life with the constant fear of God knows what. Time will tell. I will atleast try to post here once a week or more. That’ll be the start of getting some routine into my life.

Wish me luck.